It’s amazing how saturated my life was at one time with negativity. My past life experiences, relationships and my own negative viewpoints clouded my perspective. This prevented me from seeing the positive in myself and others. I got tired of living on the pessimistic side of life. Mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually it was draining. Therefore, changing that negative aspect of my life became necessary; yes imperative to my inner happiness.
Immediately I took a good look at myself, evaluating both the inner and outer person. I was pretty cool and content with the outer me, for I looked good and appeared happy. However, as I started digging below the surface, sure enough there existed unresolved hurt, pain, fear and a measure of insecurities.. It surprised me how I still remained hopeful.
I started accepting the fact I made a lot of mistakes . I knew facing and dealing with my past was something that had to be done. I thus surrendered to the reality and the very sobering truism; change could only come by means of dealing. Pretending I was fine, placing blame or ignoring the pain kept negativity alive and ever so present in my mind and heart. I didn't realize I was only putting a band-aid on my wounds and sticking a pacifier in my mouth hoping I would soon feel better. By focusing on the outer appearance of happiness, I failed to see how bad I was suffering in-side. I then heard the words of my Brother Paul say, “wherever you go, that’s where you will be”. In other words, I had to stop running from myself and start dealing with me and me first.
No comments:
Post a Comment